11/20/2012: It’s been a weird year.
We were los Campeones de Parejas. :)
I broke my back. :(
Icarus lost the titles to 3.0 while I was hurt. :(
I came back. :)
Chuck and I won the titles from 3.0 becoming the ONLY two-time Campeones de Parejas in CHIKARA History. :)
We lost the titles to guys from ROH?… :(
I kicked a small Asian woman in the face at King of Trios? :) :) :) :):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
[WATCH VIDEO HERE]
Needless to say, I’ve had a wide range of emotions. Through my complex mathematical equations and thorough investigation of my use of emoticons, I’ve concluded that when we LOSE los Campeonatos de Parejas, I am sad… BUT…BUT…when we WIN them, I am happy.
I’ve also concluded that I get EXTREMELY, IRRATIONALLY OVERJOYED when I happen to superkick a tiny Japanese woman dressed as a Native American warrior in the mush…but really? What’s the chance of that happening again, ya know? It’s like hitting the lottery, man.
I would like to be happy again. I don’t see any 90 lb. Tatanka-garb wearing girls from Japan roaming the streets right now, so it looks like winning los Campeonatos De Parejas for a 3rd time will have to do the trick! And all Chuck and I need is Point Number Three.
This may seem like a random reference but just follow me here…any of you guys ever seen that movie “Catfish”? It’s about a dude who falls in love with a chick over Facebook, and *here comes a spoiler even though it’s painfully obvious what the swerve is going to be…so don’t complain when I just ruin it for you because you’d have to be an idiot not to realize where the movie is headed just from the description alone.* It turns out that the girl isn’t the girl she says she is. She made up this HUGE lie, and pretended to be someone that she wasn’t just to get this dude to fall in love with her.
That’s kind of like you, 3.0.
[WATCH VIDEO HERE]
You’ve got everyone fooled. You’ve created this huge facade. You’re the drop dead gorgeous model on Facebook that just happens to live 600 miles away. You’ve got people believing that you guys are actual WINNERS. Heck, some people even think that you’re a half-way decent tag team! Ha. That’s cute…but you can’t Catfish me, bro. Math and Emoticons are very powerful weapons, but it just takes common sense to figure out that 3.0 didn’t beat the ACTUAL champions the night they “reached the promise land.” You idiots beat Chuck Taylor and Icarus. Not “the most decorated tag team in CHIKARA history” Johnny Gargano and Chuck Taylor! Chuck wasn’t even in the deciding fall! That was Icarus. What happens when a 100% healthy, 100% adorable Johnny Gargano returns to the fold? Easy! 3.0 doesn’t stand a chance against us. You guys showed your true colors as the biggest choke artists in CHIKARA history. How long was your reign again? You failed in your first defense! First round at King of Trios? Gone. Are you considered good by Canadian standards? What happened in Vaughan back in March was a fluke. You’ve done nothing to prove otherwise.
On December 2nd, live on iPPV, we will expose you as the ugly, morbidly obese, crazy cat lady that you are, and we will have our 3 points…and then? We bring those belts back where they belong.
Don’t worry, CHIKARA. Your heroes are here to save the day,